Every once in a while I run across what seems to be a good candidate from their resume, but they are struggling with landing a job. They might have master’s degrees and everything that would suggest they are highly competitive. Then it happens. You’re in a conversation with the person for 10 minutes and you’ve nailed the issue – THEY DON’T LISTEN.
Communication skills are vital in business. The business world would come to a complete stand still if we couldn’t actively communicate with our customers and with our work team. Seems simple enough, but some people truly cannot communicate well. They might talk a mile-a-minute, but that doesn’t mean they can communicate.
Communication, however, is a two-way process. One person speaks, the other person listens. If the person listening can’t or doesn’t fully understand what the other person is attempting to communicate, they should repeat back what they hear, acknowledge what they heard or ask questions. That process is called “active listening”. It is taking an equal role in communication.
Imagine what it is like to have the person blow past what you’re saying with almost no acknowledgement that you even said something. Now try to imagine you’ve asked a question 10 minutes ago and if you got an answer in all of that; you are having a tough time figuring it out. Hiring managers or managers in general, start developing a fairly short attention span because they have so much on their plate and need to focus on the most high pay-back things. They will simply write you off, if they think you aren’t listening – especially to them. The assumption they make is that if you can’t listen or focus on what they need to hear, then you most likely can’t do a very effective job. It’s tough to train someone to listen when they don’t already possess that capability.
Communication, especially listening, is a big part of the “likeability” factors of: Know – Like – Trust. Others might get to know you since you’ve talked so much, but they may not like you very well, because you aren’t focusing on their needs. They also can’t trust you to take the right action when it is the most critical, because they know you aren’t really paying attention.
Let me suggest a few things you can do if you want to improve your communication:
Limit your talk time. Any time you are speaking (unless you are instructing) limit each verbal input to 2 minutes or less. I suggest you work with someone who will ask you questions; and then keep track of how long your responses are. You need to get a feel for how long 2 minutes is by being kept in that window. You need to practice this until you nail it every time.
Practice “active” listening. Active listening is where you participate with what the other person is saying before devising any response. Active listening can take a few forms. It may mean you repeat back what they say in your own words, to ensure you understand. Look for their acknowledgement that you understand. Ask a question of understanding like “So in other words, you are saying/asking….” People want to have the other person pay attention to them. This is how you do that.
Pause for a few seconds before responding. During this pause, you can do the next step, plus it will clear out any preconceived responses. It will give the impression that you are truly giving the question real thought.
Repeat back questions you are being asked, even if it is in your head. You need to make sure you grasp the question first before responding.
Ask for validation. When you are complete, ask if you answered the question to their satisfaction.
Self examine. If you’re talking excessively, you might be nervous. If you are, look for relaxation techniques to help you calm down and be present with the other person.
You can be the most brilliant person on the planet, but if you can’t deliver and receive well (speak and listen), all that brilliance will do you no good. Make sure you are not undermining your own career and job search by failing to listen well.
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